Remember when the worst thing your kid could pick up at school was bad grammar? Me either.

I'm having one of my parental freak-out moments. I try to avoid watching the news because it only upsets me. I know that Roy will fill me in on anything important, so I let him be my filter. He knows not to share anything sad involving children that I absolutely don't need to know. Now that I'm home, I'm getting more info than I'm used to.

For instance, after working very hard to reformat my resume in Word (a program that I LOATHE for anything other than basic note-taking) I needed a little breather. I turned on the TV to watch a few minutes of mindless BS and unwind. Unfortunately, the first thing I saw was local news talking about someone being arrested for possession of these lovely little drugs disguised as children's vitamins.

http://cbs11tv.com/services/popoff.aspx?categoryId=11&videoId=39779@ktvt.dayport.com&videoPlayStatus=false&videoStoryIds=39779@ktvt.dayport.com&videoTime=30.302&

I immediately started hyperventilating because now I have to warn my 3 year-old not to take vitamins that anyone other than myself offers her. And I'm supposed to be safe in the knowledge that she will understand the danger and obey me. Please--I can't get the kid to brush her teeth 50% of the time. Is she honestly going to listen to me when I say, "Don't take yummy, fun-shaped candy from nice strangers (or unsuspecting children) that offer it"?! I can hear the dialogue in her little mind..."Mean Mommy tells me to do things that I don't want to do, like going to bed. Mean Mommy doesn't want me to do anything fun, like go to the store in only my princess underwear and Hello Kitty boots."

For the record, I was a staunch opponent of capital punishment before I had a child; now the issue is a little cloudy for me. People who exploit children like this should be subjected to the absolute worst form of punishment imaginable. I don't want to get too graphic, but it would involve wire cutters, a pack of dingoes and the Hanson CD.

Go home and hug your kid.