Friday, March 27, 2009

My Little Bully

I was an absolute angel as a child--just ask my mom. Honor student, involved in all kinds of activities and in some cases, I was even a teacher's pet. I didn't get in trouble with my teachers (except in Kindergarden when I wouldn't stop talking to the other kids, but that doesn't really count) and I was never sent sent to the principal's office (except that one time, but I'm telling you that Kelly chick brought out the worst in me). I would never have thought that a child of mine, a girl no less, would be the kid that gets in trouble at school. And yet here we are.

It has become pretty common for me to arrive at school in the afternoons only to have her teacher pull me aside to tell me that Anna... 1) had a potty accident 2) didn't listen during --- activity 3) wouldn't help pick up toys 4) called everyone in the class "stupid" or 5) levitated her teacher as she spewed green vomit and her head spun 360 degrees. This all bothers me, but I know that there are worse problems she could have and we always talk about the issues at home and do our best to address them. So, I was pretty surprised when her teacher relayed this story recently...

They were outside playing and Anna was riding on one of the tricycles. Another girl was riding in a little car and they were approaching each other going opposite directions. They know that they are supposed to stop when they see "oncoming traffic" and the other little girl did so. According to the teacher, Anna purposely sped up and rammed the other girl head on, knocking her off the car. The other girl was not hurt, but crying hysterically. The teacher said Anna found this very amusing.

This doesn't sound like my baby at all. I was horrified when I heard this. The only thing I can think of is that she didn't realize the other girl might get hurt--I can not imagine her intentionally hurting anyone. I'm sure she just thought playing bumper cars would be fun. I wouldn't know where she gets that, considering that her father purposely rammed our paddle boat into a submarine on vacation, but I'm not laying blame, Honey.

I scolded Anna at school and then retold the story for Roy so that he could do the same at home. But then I screwed up. Roy is in the middle of his speech about how she needs to listen to her teacher and if she ever does this again she won't be allowed to ride the bikes anymore and then he pauses and asks Anna if she understands. She looks up at him from under her lashes (she's very good at that) and says in her angelic voice, "But I was being funny." Roy starts to retort that the situation was NOT funny and I just burst out laughing. Anna turns to me with a huge grin and says, "But Mommy thinks it's funny!" Roy shot me a scathing look (he's very good at that) and informed Anna that "Mommy sometimes laughs at inappropriate times."

My problem is that I don't HAVE a poker face. If something is funny, I laugh--I can't help it. Her adorable little face, her sweet little voice, the startling conclusions that her young mind comes to...they all just make me laugh. It happens a lot lately. She is just SO cute and I attach a lot of emotions to her every movement. I just stare at her in wonder and think about the fact that I CREATED her and she has parts of me and parts of Roy. And the fact that she has grown up before my very eyes is mind boggling. I am truly in awe every time she figures something out or responds to something in a mature manner. She has me wrapped around her finger and she absolutely knows it. I can't help just grabbing her and nuzzling her cheek. I feel entitled to take advantage of this closeness now because I know that someday soon she is going to start pushing me away.

Roy commented that he never would have guessed that of the two of us, that he would be the one doing the disciplining of our child--Probably because he was a wild youth. I tried to explain to Anna that the situation wasn't funny, that I was responding to her face at that exact moment, but the damage was already done. So, I absolutely anticipate more playground violence and I apologize in advance if Anna smacks you around to get a laugh.


  1. THAT is funny. If you wanna roll on the playground with my kid, you'd better bring your "A" game. Nancy-sissy-tree-hugger kids need not apply. And yes, you have the worst poker face ever.

  2. Pretty soon Anna will have a posse...and they'll start a protection scam. "You wanna ride that car in playground? Not with out givin' mama some Benjamins, you don't. Pay up sucka"

  3. Funny how the very things you would scold Roy for, you just did. "laughing at inappropriate times"! Also on your list of things the teacher tells you, you forgot number 3. Just FYI :)

  4. Jeez, it's amateur night over here. Have now fixed the list. Also, I'm pretty fond of my double standards.

  5. kuphog...that is actually a really great idea. I knew there had to be a way to exploit my child to make money. I'll give you 5% of our take.