Wednesday, April 15, 2009

Woot Woot!

It is midnight twenty here in the CTZ. Why am I up at midnight? Why, to order the new Woot Shirt, of course!

Actually, Roy is working tonight and I like to sit next to him while guys on the speakerphone talk in funny accents in silly languages (and sometimes they even cuss!) "I'm still doing the TO crosspack from the blah, blah, blah....The BCUs are still doing a local download...MO38 is going through a reboot..." Uh, huh. I think it is actually a very elaborate ruse and they are speaking in code so that their wives don't know they are sitting around at 1 am playing Age of Empires online.

Anytime Roy is up at midnight, he checks the Woot Shirt because that's when the new daily shirt gets published. He's a Woot Shirt VIP. Seriously, he owes like 50 of them. They only make 3,000 a day, so you have to order fast. If he wasn't up late, he'll pick up his phone before he even gets out of bed and check the shirt. Sometimes, it is sold out before 6 am. I laughed the first twenty or so times he did that. Now, I know it is part of his daily routine, like his 5:30 pm meeting.

A lot of times, the designs are really clever plays on words, but they don't have captions, so you really have to be sharp to understand them. I'm not so sharp, so I require the funny little explanations that they write up. Roy will look at a picture of a nun playing hockey with a platypus and immediately start rolling on the floor laughing because he knows that it is actually a metaphor for the fact that "Communism is a dying animal." And I'm like, "What?" And he's like, "Really? You don't get it?" And he'll stare at me, thinking to himself, "How did I marry this uneducated, dumb brute of a woman?" And then he'll think, "Oh, yeah, because she doesn't make me pick up my socks and lets me buy all the car models our office can't hold."

He considers these shirts a litmus test for one's intelligence. If he wears a shirt out and someone asks him what it means, that person is written off as an ignorant fooly foolerson. If someone laughs, they clearly don't get it. I thought he was crazy until I wore one out to the grocery store one day. This particular one is of a cute little kitten looking at a cute little puppy. There is a heart above the puppy's head and he has a fish in his mouth. I thought it was adorable and went without explanation. The girl who checked me out said, "Cute shirt." To which I smiled and said, "Thank you!" She then said, "Is there something on the back or what?" I looked at her disbelieving and tried to explain. "No, see the puppy loves the kitten and he brought her a fish." Blank stare from checkout girl.

All that Roy needs to get his attention is a bomb or an animal doing something naughty. I'm a little more discerning. I only own four of these shirts. One of which matches his. Shut up--it's totally cute for a husband and wife to go out in matching shirts. Anyway, I was glad to see today's in a sunny yellow. I'm always joking about the sock trolls that come and steal socks from the dryer, leaving me with a drawer full of mismatched socks. You know what I'm talking about. Well, thanks to Woot, I have been enlightened. Apparently, it wasn't trolls after all. The socks are walking off of their own accord and going to a happier place. We should all be so lucky.

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