Thursday, February 26, 2009

I'm a good candidate.

My husband says I'm a real tiger in....the unemployment line.
Those are his words--not mine.
I got laid off today.

Unfortunately, there had already been a lot of layoffs at my company, but that allowed me time to mentally prepare myself. I didn't know when it would happen, but I was certain that it was coming. When my boss hugged me and asked me to follow her, I simply inquired, "Is today the day?"

This resignation to my fate allowed me to finish out the work day without a tear. To say that I am an emotional person, would be like calling Amy Winehouse simply "troubled". I am proud to say that I was able to say goodbye to my co-workers and friends and even give some instructions to the people taking over my workload. The goodbyes were the hardest part, of course. The people that I've come to rely on for support, especially during these last few difficult months, have become so much more important than I gave them credit for.

It was lovely to hear my boss say wonderful things about me over the country club lunch that she felt compelled to take me out to. I bear her no ill will because I know that she was merely the messenger and the tears she shed throughout the day only solidified her status in my mind as "The Best Boss EVER". I actually did walk out with a smile on my face.

I felt just a tiny bit relieved that I wasn't waiting anymore. The waiting was killer. I held my breath every time the phone rang--terrified it would be someone from the Human Resources department. Hushed words and closed doors set off panic attacks. I was afraid to listen to my Ipod--what if I missed an important corporate rumor? It is a poisonous environment that has sadly become so commonplace in our world now. Oh, why didn't someone make me go to med school?!

On the drive home, I cranked up the song that I kept playing over in my head during the day like a mantra. (And Tom, I swear if you make one more comment about how I'm not a true fan because I discovered them after they were on the "Twilight" soundtrack, I will cheerfully beat you to death. Don't forget who gave you the line on pre-sale tickets.)

Paramore, "Fences"
I'm sitting in a room made up of only big white walls and in the hall there are people looking through the window in the door they know exactly what we're here for.
Don't look up just let them think there's no place else you'd rather be.
You're always on display for everyone to watch and learn from don't you know by now you can't turn back. Cause this road is all you'll ever have.
It's obvious that you're dying dying.
Just living proof that the camera's lying and oh oh open wide.
This is your night so smile cause you'll go out in style, you’ll go out in style.

Unfortunately, the smile only lasted until I got home. Then, I found myself telling our daughter that she shouldn't use more than two squares of toilet paper at a time. Gotta pinch those pennies!

Our little girl is three years old and a pistol, but she is very conscious of our emotional climate. Roy told her to be nice to me because I lost my job. She turned to me in complete seriousness and said, "Don't worry, Mommy. I'll find it for you." I think she is still looking.

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