How To: Mix An Exploding Drink

I realize I've been neglectful.  My bad.  Super busy over here, what with the bathroom remodel that is still underway and the millions of pictures we've been taking for our photo business (Yay!!).  So, I will simply leave you with this awesome How To from the June issue of Wired.  You are so very welcome, Stephen Lambert.  ;)

Also, a shout out to our neighbor (and loyal reader) Dustin.  I believe we're going to meet new baby Max this evening.  :)  Don't be weirded out when I'm obsessively sniffing him.  I love the new baby smell!

VeryShortPost, kind of

Still reeling from the Idol upset... (I don't care what this article says, it is still an upset.)

We have a lot going on with the bathroom remodel, so I've just got a short post for you.  If you are on Twitter, you must start following VeryShortStory.  If you aren't on Twitter...WHY aren't you on Twitter?!  You can also visit the website.  A guy writes "Twitter-sized" stories.  Perfect for those of us who don't have time to read actual books.  Examples: 

"I bought a jaguar today. Not a car, an ACTUAL jaguar. I figure it will impress women more than a car. I got a two seat saddle for it."

"I could tell by her fur she wasn't from around here. We chit chatted. I put on the moves. We went to my place. In Spring, we had cubs."

"Order up, Wolverine." He spent his time waiting tables now, feeling bitter how fast his life had gone downhill. He blamed Star Trek."

"Ty softly tossed a pebble at Wendy's window. In return, a large rock hit him squarely in the head. He would take that as a ‘no'."

"After losing his job, Nigel lived without caution. Even when the forecast called for rain, he refused to carry an umbrella."

"You want to hold hands?" said Bill. "Umm.......Ok." said Ken. They both needed a little comfort. It had been a tough staff meeting."

Razzle Dazzle

I feel the need to post something, anything, so that last post isn't the first thing on my page. So, don't look down there! Look here! Cute animals!! Why, yes...that is Harrison Ford feeding a hippo.

We watch a lot of The Discovery Channel and National Geographic and Animal Planet because those are the only channels (along with The Food Network and HGTV) appropriate for young eyes when PBS Kids and Playhouse Disney aren't on. So, Anna has already seen a giraffe being born. Surprisingly, she was not grossed out. Just wait until I pull out the video of her birth. Guaranteed to make a girl keep her legs crossed for at least 35 years. (Just kidding...there is no video of her birth. But, that video we watched in our Childbirthing Class would have done the trick if I hadn't already been 8 months pregnant. They should show that in high schools.) I had a point...oh, yeah! So, a giraffe's gestation period is 15 months and then they just drop the kid six feet and hope it's okay?!

Seriously, if you don't visit The Big Picture at least once a week, you are missing out on amazing photographs and stories that I didn't even know I should care about. Who loves the internet? I do, I do!

Most Likely to Surf the Internet...All Day Long

In case you missed this, a woman hired a stripper to attend her 10-year high school reunion for her and then videotaped the whole thing. HI-larious. I couldn't have gotten away with that at my reunion because there were only 77 in my graduating class and everyone knows everyone else's bees-ness.

On the left, you have my senior yearbook portrait. On the right, that would be me, drunk at my 10-year reunion.

I was voted "Most Likely to Become President" in my class, which I guess means I should be schmoozing politicos in D.C., hobnobbing with Hillary. And yet, here I sit, on my couch, laid-off and schmoozeless. Perhaps I should give Hill a call. Maybe she needs someone to make her grilled cheese sandwiches on the weekends.

Experiment in Humiliation

Yesterday, my mom told me that a story on the news said that it is pointless to try to get a job online and networking is the way to get employed.  I scoffed.  

I had a meeting with a headhunter this morning.  It looks like I may have a job next month.  It isn't anything glamorous, but "Shakespeare gotta get paid, son."  The only reason I will be getting this job (if I do) is because of Roy being the big stud that he is.  So, I officially retract my scoff. 

To celebrate a good meeting, I decided to have a fun day.  (Don't tell Roy.)

Did I go to the mall?  No.  Lunch with friends?  Naw.  Play date with Anna?  Nope.  Then, what did you do, Jessica?  Well...let me tell you.  

I played with my Mac Book.  Yep.  I sat my butt on the couch in front of my computer just like I do every day.  And, it was awesomeness.

I heart Photo Booth.

And, I was playing with iMovie, but I'll be honest...I don't get it.  It seems very complicated.  So, as a special treat for visiting my little corner of the world...you get to watch me sing.  I would turn your volume down if you are listening at work.  Actually, you might want to just mute it.  Anyone watching at Penton....well, don't.  Let me say, there is a reason that I haven't tried out for "American Idol."  I'm no Lil Rounds, but get a few beers in me and I'll karaoke until the sun comes up.  Badly.  

Someone had a lot of free time...

...even more than me. Of course, Edward has a powerful affect on people.

http://services.google.com/latitudevideo/view.html#n0DCVZQC5m0H-GDZQS5z0DCVZQC5s0MdvLnnmLnuhd-nqf

Free Downloads for Busy Mommies

Today, I'm doing short posts instead a long one. Hope that works for you. ;)

Mommies need lots of help (physically and psychologically), but you already knew that. Mommy Track'd has provided some adorable (and FREE!) downloads that might help you on your way to organizational bliss. Or, in my case, it might just be more to add to the pile of lists and post its that only help me think that I'm more organized, but it will be a cute pile, dammit!

Social media overload

I found this iPod application at Uncrate that I will not be purchasing for the low low price of $2. Ego apparently keeps track of your stats for websites and socmed outlets. ("socmed"--If that isn't a word yet, remember that you heard it here first. If it is already...oh well.) When they make a free version, I'll be down with that. While I have a lot of socmed sites that I need to keep track of, I don't need the stats so much as I need regular updates.



While I use a Mac, we run a program called Boot Camp that allows me to use Windows. I use the Mac side for photography stuff and the Windows side for everything else. Anyway, I found this awesome IM client, Digsby, that keeps track of all of my email accounts, buddy lists and social media sites like Twitter and Facebook. I get little pop ups whenever I have a new update or message. Fabulous! They currently don't have a version for Mac, but are working on it.

I heart sharks

Must Read...and Laugh

Is anyone planning on reading Pride and Prejudice and Zombies? ET Weekly gave it an A- and Wired put it on their Playlist. I'd like someone else to read it first and let me know if it is worth the effort. My sister, The Purist, and Jane Austen's biggest fan, made the worst face after reading the review, so I know she won't go anywhere near it.



The publisher of this book is Quirk Classics and their website is full of plenty of time-wasting fun for EVERYONE.


For the bookworms: Here is an article where they postulate potential follow-ups to PPZ. My favorite suggestion is A Farewell To Arms and Legs.


For the Boy Scouts: I bought the Worst-Case Survival Scenario Handbook when it first came out in 1999 and LOVED it. It is full of helpful and hilarious how-tos. I didn't realize this was from the same publishing company as PPZ. Here is a how-to from the Worst-Case Survival Scenario: Extreme Edition.


For the Twilight Lovers:
"How to avoid a vampire attack"...

Obviously, these survival techniques don't apply to Stephenie Meyer's vampires. Meet one of those and you are pretty much screwed. As Bella showed us, pepper spray has no effect. And, as Edward so famously demonstrated, you can't outrun them or fend them off. I would say, just embrace sweet death and be thankful that your demon angel is a hottie.


For the ladies who are knocked up: Another fun article is "The Worst Television To Watch While You're Pregnant" from The Pregnancy Countdown Book and they are right on. I avoided every single one of those shows when I was PG.


For the guys: Quite possibly the funniest thing I saw, albeit the most offensive. I know Roy will get a kick out this...from How To Live With A Huge Penis, "A Prayer for Owen's Weenie."


...And everything in between. Seriously, take a look or two or twenty. In case you hadn't heard...we're in a recession. It's not like you have work to do.

My favorite line from 'Twister'/'Star Wars"

The line is originally from "Star Wars: A New Hope", but when they repeated it in "Twister" it just cracked me up because it was kind of random. You can really use it for any occasion. "That's no moon...that's a big poopy diaper!" or "That's no moon...that's a Dulce de Leche cheesecake and I'm going to eat it all!" See?

"That's no moon. That's a space station!"

Fun for the Day

Apparently, Ashton Kutcher started this website, Blah Girls, last fall. I love Ashton, not like I'm attracted to him, because I seriously think Bruce Willis would beat up anyone that tried to break up his happy, albeit weird, family. But, I think he is hilarious (loved Punk'd and That '70s Show) and he seems to be quite the media mogul. He has 287,896 followers on Twitter (including me). He always has some project in production and his journey to stardom is fascinating. It is nice to know that there are some young people in Hollywood that are doing more with their life than living off the profits of their last Disney movie.

Oh, and "Just Married" is totally underrated. IMO, the most honest (and humorous) look at marriage since "Two For the Road."